A Friend Always Talks On Her Topics: Should I Cut Her Off?

We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often caught off guard by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her friends drifted away at that point, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely realised better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few close to her have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a trip to a country I know well repeatedly even called home previously. I tried to provide personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her plans. I have come back from a month there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go when you talk. It should be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this makes you feel. This allows for no argument here. Emotions belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both will alter the interaction between you."

Remember your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they cannot let go of since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have closure knowing you were honest with her.