These Words given by A Parent Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."